


He's real, somehow

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Riding, Rimming, Self-cest, read the notes, selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall promised himself to never bottom again. But the problem is that because of this, his relationship with Liam is getting no where. So when a young boy appears in his room looking exactly like him when he was fifteen he doesn’t immediately get it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's real, somehow

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if selfcest is a thing, but this is written for a prompt with side Niam. So basically, Niall fucks Niall from the past.  
> ALSO it's my first time writing this so it's gonna be awful but meeeh first time's always bad.

Niall stumbled in his room, vision blurred by a load of tears. He collapsed on the fluffy bed and rested his head in the crook of his folded arms. Tonight had been awful. No, god it had been a complete nightmare. He had basically jumped out of his boyfriend’s bed, leaving him with a throbbing boner and a confused look on his face.

“Look Niall” he’d said “If you’re not really not okay we can..”

“No!!” the boy cut him, only urging to the need to let the tears flow “God I..I’m so sorry, I didn’t want..i’m a fuck up…I”  
With that he picked his clothes up and left the room in a hurry. Now he felt ashamed and weak and most possibly a coward. It’s not that Niall didn’t want to sleep with him. He really did. But in his previous relationship he was the one usually on top and Liam was actually the first to take things by the lead. So Niall let Liam blow him, until he felt fingers hovering at his entrance and he freaked out.

\---

“Don’t be silly Niall come out!”

Niall pushed harder on the door and shook his head. He didn’t want to have to face him. Or neither of them. Harry shoved his shoulder in the hard wood of the door but his efforts made no avail. Niall was determined to keep a firm line between him and his bandmates and if that meant pushing your weight against the door then he was willing to put all the energy in it. Harry sighed heavily and gave up. The door shut with a click, sealing it from the inside. Niall turned the lock and let himself lean on the door to catch his breath. He was being pathetic he knew, but nothing would feel worse than having to walk out and play pretend. Like nothing happened. Niall was a shit actor and besides, he wouldn’t want to stare Liam in the face again. Not after dumping him hard and confused in the middle of a huge hotel room last night.  
The lads were probably laughing at him right now. No he was never going to come out again.

-

Niall was lucky it was a Sunday afternoon, meaning they didn’t have to do repetitive interviews or knackering photoshoots. He was still mopping in his bed, munching on the edge of his pillow, staring blankly at the black television screen. He was too upset to even order room service and god knew how much hungry Niall would get in the morning. But he decided on not moving until the others possibly ignore him to the point of forgetting him in a city they didn’t even know the name of.  
He fell asleep thinking of how perfectly the night had started with Liam until he fucked it all up.

-

The sound of someone kicking his legs on the bed woke him up. The curtains were drawn, dropping the room into a deep reddish colour. He sat up, pillow still in his mouth and hair probably sticking up and rubbed sleepily his eyes. The kicking stopped and Niall shrugged thinking he must have dreamed it somehow. He only got up to pee and brush his pasty mouth. He was ready to flop face down on the bed and sleep to his death, only someone was already there.

“Fuck” he squealed as he fell on his back.

“Hey” said a pretty familiar voice.

“Who are you and how…did you get in?”

The boy sat up from his position and smiled widely at Niall. It was all too familiar. The tilt of the grin, the slightly crooked smile, peachy cheeks on a milky white skin and badly bleached hair.

“You look like…” Niall says as he takes a careful step forward

“You, I know cause like-”

“Fuck” Niall toppled back again, this time recognising the thick accent, blue eyes and pink lips. He didn’t remember getting drunk, hell there wasn’t even anything in the cabinets apart from out of date biscuits and grape flavoured water. But this, could not be something he would produce out of his sober mind. Maybe….

“You’re not real. You’re a hologram. You can’t be..”

“I know this sounds surreal but I poofed out of no where so I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here either.”

“You’re….not…oh my god you’re my little brother!”

Niall slapped his palm on his temples, his mind working quickly. This had to be, it was the only explanation. He couldn’t see himself walking up to the others like ‘Hi, this dude appeared in my bed, looking exactly like me when I was younger, I don’t know who he is or where he came from but can we keep him?’ 

“Err no, I’m the youngest one. Mum says she doesn’t want any other kids.” The boy stood up and oh shit Niall remembers those white sneakers. He got them on his fifteenth birthday. He only knows they’re the same because his initials are written down with a sharpie on the side of the left one. He frowns, pointing to the floor.

“Where did you get these?”

“Oh, mum got ‘em on me fifteenth. They’re bangers!! Love it so much I even wear them to sleep”

Niall stood up as well and slowly took a step closer. 

“You’re not real” he repeats.

“I’m Niall, and I think you’re me. But much older and…fitter”

“You’re not real” Niall shakes his head, still moving forward.

“Mum was making these potato smiley faces for dinner and then everything disappeared and poof”

“No…” Niall knows about the potato smiles. They were his favourites, his mum only made them if he scored a goal at his footie club or did anything else considerable enough to earn a reward. That dude facing him was just a stunt.

“I’m as confused as you, you know. I wanted to go see Sean tonight after dinner so we could…you know. I think I’m ready and..”

“Woah there!” Niall stopped in his track with an arm extended. If he stretched his fingers hard enough he would touch the boy in front of him. 

Which would be humanly impossible. Those things don’t exist do they?

“How do you know about Sean? What are you going to do with him? Is it Sean Cullen?”

“Yeah” says the younger boy with a proud smile “He’s my boyfriend and I think he’s going to be my first…”

Niall suddenly felt sick. Everything came back to him, the special dinner his mum made him that night was because he had brought his first boyfriend home. She got so happy and teary and made potato faces for dinner. He remembers how he took three showers until his skin turned translucent and sprayed himself in body spray like he’d fell in a bucket of it. The red plaid shirt and neatest pair of jeans. That boy in his room was him and dressed the way Niall was three years ago when he made the mistake of his life.

“Fuck” he hit his head again with his hands “Fuck, fuck, fuck”

“Would you stop saying that” the young boy, Niall apparently, said quietly. 

“You’re….I must be dreaming right?”

The boy shrugged, tugging on the end of his shirt.

“Whatever you do. Tonight, don’t go to Sean’s. Tell him you’re sick, or you have an event I don’t know. Just…please. Don’t see him.”

“Why?” The teen asked shyly “I promised him ton…”

“Yeah but you’re not home with him now are you?” Niall snickered. He almost felt bad for the child. Only they were both in the same boat.

“Please…I want to go home. Mum’s gonna wonder where I am and dinner’s going to turn cold and Sean’s gonna worry too..”

“Stop” Niall yelled. “Stop don’t talk about..home” It was something he missed so much, and he couldn’t just tell the kid about his future now could he? The situation was so unreal, almost laughable. Niall would’ve been trashing around if the boy wasn’t as scared as he was right now.

“Why?” He asked again “Is there something wrong? Is mum going to be okay?”

“Yes. She will be fine. I promise. Just don’t please.”

Niall took a last step forward. “Can I.. do you think I can touch you?”

“What?” The teen asked, confused

“Is it okay? Maybe you’re a ghost. This is freaking me out, I just want to…”

Niall lifted a hand and carefully brushed the boy’s cheek. He shivered but stayed still as Niall cupped his face. His skin felt warm, soft and slightly rough. Just like his own, and a shiver like a spark of electricity washed through both boys as they touched.

“Shit” Niall exclaimed just as the young one said a soft “Woah”

“I feel like I’m touching my own face.” Niall laughs nervously

“In a way… you are!” The kid jokes. They both sigh and scratch their heads in the same spot.

They stand there for a good three minutes until the young one moves.

“What if I’m…stuck here for ever? Why am I here? There must be a reason right?”

“I don’t know” Niall rubs his forehead “This kind of shit only happens in movies.”

The younger Niall chokes a sob and sniffs. Niall feels like crying too. If his young self stays here, then...he’s likely to disappear. There can’t be two in one same world. One of them had to leave.

An hour passes and still no change at all. Niall paces in his room, thinking of ways to send the other one back in his respective time but nothing comes up.

“Niall..m’hungry.” says the young boy from where he’s curled up on the bed. He wasn’t lying about sleeping with the trainers on. “Where are we anyway?”

“We’re…” He didn’t actually know. “In America….” And he added “somewhere” a bit softer under his breath.

“America?” The boy’s voice perks up “I’ve never been there! Mum could never afford..how come we can go now? and your room is so big! 

There’s even a telly in it!! Are we going to win the lottery or something?”

Niall chuckles but doesn’t answer. It’s not his time and place to tell things. Maybe not. He walks up to the phone and picks the receiver

“I’m gonna order some food…I- Hello, room service?”

“Room service? We’re in a hotel? Do you think they have the potatoes?”

They do, and they’re golden and crusty. They both eat them the same way. They munch on the edges first and mush the rest in ketchup before swallowing them down. There’s a knock on the door and Niall completely forgets he’s having dinner with himself.

He opens the door widely with a matching grin but it falls as quickly when he discovers who’s on the other side.

“Liam” he says, eyes widening in panic. He shuts the door in Liam’s face and falls on it just like the morning. Liam didn’t have the reflex to put a foot in front of the door to keep it open, so Niall hid behind the door and silently cried in his arms.

“Niall please…” came Liam’s voice muffled by the door

“No, Liam please just..not now… please”

The young boy who was watching the scene from his spot, dropped his food and quietly asked what was wrong. 

“Niall…” Liam sighed, fist banging on the door

“No…tomorrow we’ll talk okay?”

“You promise?” Liam’ s voice sounded hopeful. Not upset at all. What had Niall done to meet someone so...frustrating? He’d rather Liam  
yelled, laughed or ignored him. Not sound all hopeful and needy. Niall threw his head back and wiped his tears away.

“Hey Nialler. Who was that?”

“He’s…” does he tell him? About the future? About how famous he’s going to get? How girls and boys are going to drive four to ten hours just to catch a glimpse of him? That he sings in a band with four amazing boys and gets to travel with them all around the world. Does he really tell him that? How he can afford to sleep in hotel all his life but never get time off to sleep in his bed, full with a homemade meal?

“A friend. I think I messed up our relationship..”

“Friend only?” He sat down next to Niall and brought his knees too to his chest “Are you sure? You wouldn’t cry over a friend. Are you in love with him?”

“Madly…and I..I’m stupid.”

“So I’m not going to stay with Sean for ever?”

“No….” Realisation hits Niall. If he can’t tell about the big future he could tell him about the near one. “Tonight is supposed to be the last time you see him….you”

“What?” The young boy cuts in “Why?”

“I don’t know if I should be the one telling you this but….Tonight, is the night you have sex with him for the first time right?”

“We’ve already done some stuff, but…”

“Tonight is supposed to be the night.”

“Yeah!” the teen chimes in “He said he’d be gentle and careful.”

“I know” Niall groans, the memories flowing back “He said that...”

“You mean….”

Niall plastered his hand to his younger self’s face and locked gazes with him. “What I mean is...I’ve been thinking. Some pretty serious things happened that night. And if I’m aware, the same thing is going to happen to you. And god, this may sound weird but I think you got sent here for a reason. To tell you not to do it with him. He’s not worth it. You think you’re in love with him but it’s all lies. You’re going to get your heart broken Niall. I got through it but maybe I could avoid this for you. Tell him no, or break up with him.”

“But.. what happened I don’t understand?”

“Just don’t do it. Listen to me okay? He’s not fucking worth it.”

The boy had tears in his eyes. His heart was going to get shattered no matter what, and Niall couldn’t stop it.

“He says he loves me!”

“You’re going to find better.”

“But I’m happy with him…” he insists, his voice now shaking.

“No you’re not…”

He jerked back “How do you know? You’re trying to fuck me up aren’t you? You know nothing and you can’t just decide on my life. Now take me back so I can go and be happy with my boyfriend..”

“I can’t let you do that.” Niall drops his head, nibbling on his lip.

“Why not?” The kid was shouting now, his eyes red with angry tears.

Niall sighed. “Because he left me okay? He was fucking rough and he made me pick up my stuff, told me I was a bad fuck and kicked me out of his house. It was the worst thing ever and I felt too ashamed to go home. So I slept outside that night. Fuck it was so cold and I was hurting every where. And do you know what I saw the next day?”

The young one shook his head, having his mouth hanging open

“I walked in on him getting a blowjob from some girl. In my own bed. He said ‘That’s how sluts like you should do it. Come back to me when you’ve learned how to properly suck dick’ then he laughed and didn’t leave until they trashed my room around with their excessive fucking. It was so loud it was disgusting. Don’t even ask me how much I cried.”

“You’re lying…he couldn’t do that..”

“Even Greg asked me how could I be so fucking stupid.”

“No” the teenage boy whispered, tears streaming harder. 

“Now because of him…I’m scared of bottoming you know. I’m always scared I’ll meet someone as uncaring as him, so I just decide to escape before I panic and start crying. And that’s why…I can’t be in a relationship with him. Liam’s just so sweet but…I’m scared of everything.”

“So this is going to ruin my entire life?”

“Just your love life” Niall hated this. The fact that one night and one man alone had managed to move things around in his life. It was an invisible scar that would stay itched on him for infinity and he would never be able to detach himself from it. 

“Is Liam the love of your life?”

“Pretty sure yeah..”

“Does he love you?” The boy asks, sitting on his knees. He’d stopped crying but you could still see the tear tracks on his cheeks

“Yes, he does…” But now Niall wasn’t sure. What if Liam was only trying to get in his pants? Liam couldn’t do that to him. He proved he was something else. Liam was better than this.

“Then do it. With him. If he loves you he won’t hurt you.”

“No” Niall shakes his head. “I won’t be able to do it.”

“And all this because of him..”

This time Niall didn’t answer. The truth couldn’t hurt anymore than this. So maybe he was stuck for ever, maybe he’d have to stop everything with Liam.

“Maybe you could do it to me…?”

“What?” Niall sprung from his seat.

“Like you know, take my virginity cause..”

“No I got what you mean but…what? No we can’t do that!! I’m you! You’re me it’s…eww”

Niall shuddered at the thought alone. “And besides, if we’re the same, you’re scared too.”

“No I feel fine and confident and ready. You didn’t know what was waiting for you that night but you was ready to give yourself in completely. From what you told me you know how to take care of things and…maybe that’s what we were supposed to do. Maybe that’s why  
I’m here. So we can fix that and you finally get with…Liam.”

“That’s fucked up mate…”

“Think about Liam..” he leans in close to Niall’s face, breathing heavily “Holding you down on that fancy hotel bed.” 

“Are you trying to…Oh my god I’m trying to seduce myself, shit is getting real!!!”

The younger boy laughs at that and sits back on his spot. He might be stuck here, but at least he’s having a right time with his older self. 

Niall takes the time to think about it all. He thinks about him as a fifteen year old, bolded and confident. Screwing around with his mates and getting drunk in his garden. He watches the young boy fiddling with his freshly bleached hair (some cheap hairdresser did it for him), too long and slightly greasy. It also makes him think about how all of this easy going life is going to be ripped away from him, in the most horrible way possible. 

Things shouldn’t have been this way, but they were. 

The young Niall was noisy. Loud and easily amazed.

“Bangers” that was his favourite ‘what the fuck’ expression. “That a big bathroom! It’s bigger than our room!”

Now he was referring everything they owned as ‘ours’ since they were pretty much the same person. 

“Hey Ni” the young one asked, snuggled deeply inside the warm duvet. Shoes on the foot of the bed.

“What” Niall asked lightly, staring out the window. They were somewhere in the west. They were going to California sometime next week.  
They had to be somewhere around there.

“Am I going to make mum proud? Will she be happy for me in the future?”

Niall doesn’t answer right away. 

In fact he doesn’t say anything until the sun sets. He gets in the bed too, careful not to touch the teen, he for a fact hated the way some kind of warm energy sparked through them both like fireworks each time their skin connected.

“Yeah, she will be proud. You’re going to achieve so much little one.”

“Will I get to go to a Justin Bieber concert?”

“Eeeh! And by the way, if you meet Katy Perry, convince her _you won’t let her down_ ”

“Katy Perry though…..”

They lay quietly after that for a while. Listening to each other’s breathing. Sometimes when Niall couldn’t hear the other one breathe, he often thought he was gone but no, he was still there, staring at the dark ceiling. Niall wonders if he’ll ever get back.

“Mum’s going to kill me” the boy whispers and Niall butts in with an agreeing sound. 

“You know that proposition you made?” He coughs to hide his embarrassment “About me and you…” He claps his hands to finish his sentence. 

“What about it?”

“I’d really like to kiss you right now”

The boy sits up faster than he ever had. “I was starting to think you’d never say it.”  
They leaned into each other rapidly. When their lips touched it was like an outburst multiple sensations. It felt weird at first, like they were both on the giving and receiving end at the same time. Anything one felt, the other automatically felt as well. They were connected to their very ends which made things only progress faster. In no time they were both kissing hungrily, and clumsily searching for that spark of a connection, like two magnets joining.

“Fuck” says one

“Woah” says the other.

“The moment our lips touched I got like, instantly hard.” They both laugh, lips slick and stretched in a wide smile.

They work on autopilot, though Niall’s mind was working like a steam train. “You’re going to fuck yourself, you’re going to fuck yourself” and the more he said it, the hotter he found it. 

They were now tangled in each other’s arms, indenting their nails in their skin. They both groaned deeply as their groins touched, emitting the first contact. 

“I…” Niall says, words caught between the teen’s lips. The rest of his sentence is long forgotten when they start moaning into each other’s mouth, rutting where their most sensitive parts were touching.

They removed their shirts above their heads, one after the other and the rest of their clothing soon followed suit. Neither of them knew how, but it’s like they both felt the turmoil when one fisted the other’s erection. Niall could only shiver when he felt two hands push him on his back. He lands on the bed, legs spread open and eyes blinking softly.

Now he could see it, his younger version of himself was going down on him and if that wasn’t the greatest thing in life, he didn’t know what was. He arched and closed his eyes when the wet heat closed around the crown of his cock sliding down until it reached the base of it.

“Wow…woah” he says between clenched teeth. The other one releases Niall’s cock out of his mouth and lets it fall back against his stomach.  
“Did you feel that?” he asks with a grin

“Y-Yeah” Niall breathes. “Fucking fantastic”

Anything they did once their bodies touched duplicated their sensations of warm pleasure, they won’t be able to hold back for too long. The teen boy went back down again, this time trapping the head between his lips. He suckled on it, probing the slit with the point of his tongue. Niall launched a string of cuss words just as his orgasm was climbing. He pulled the boy’s head back until he drew back with a pop of his lips.

“Do you think we can do it?” Niall asks the boy.

“All the way?” he answers roughly

“It’s gonna feel pretty weird though..no?”

“If I feel it then you’ll feel it. Best first time ever” he says, climbing on top of Niall’s chest. “Now I want to ride you.”

He does, after Niall spread him out on the bed, with his head ducked between the boy’s legs thrusting two fingers inside him alongside with his tongue. The young one threaded his fingers in Niall’s hair and fucked himself down on his chin smeared with saliva. 

“I haven’t got any lube” Niall says, he left it in Liam’s room. “I’m not gonna fuck you with spit only.” 

“I do” says the boy as he trashes his legs around “And I’m coming…”

Niall pulls back enough to let the teen search about in his pockets. He comes back with a sachet and a tin foil packet. Niall throws the condom over his shoulder and slicks himself up. The best part of their night is when he guides himself into his young one, with his hands on his hips as he pushes in slowly. They close their eyes at the feeling, and drag their breathy moans.

“You okay?” Niall whispers, pushing a blond lock out of the other boy’s face. 

He nods, with a dazed expression on his face, grin splitting his face in half. ”Yeah” he answers, breathless “You’re in me…you feel that? Have you ever felt that?”

Niall kisses him because that’s all he can answer.

Like requested, they switch position so Niall is now lying on his back, with a fifteen year old version of himself, rocking slowly on his hips. He feels like all his nerve endings are on constant fire, as they both move back and forth in perfect unison. Niall’s never felt this close to another tight heat, which had more to do with the fact that it was his own.

Niall sits up, wrapping his hands around the young one’s chest. He looks up at him through his eyelashes as he pounds up into him. They share one last heated kiss before they both find themselves coming one after the other. The young one untouched and spurting in long ribbons over his chest and the older one spilling out and buried deep. 

\---

“What if I never go back?”

“Then at least I would’ve have spent one of the most perfect night.”

They’re settled on the bed, still sweaty and stuck together. They have matching post orgasm expression, face red, glassy eyes and puffy cherry lips. 

“Thank you for this” the teen says “It was perfect”

“Still freaks me out the fact that I came screaming my own name” Niall points out with a shudder of his shoulders.

The boy sits up and opens a drawer, his back facing Niall.

“What are you doing?” he asks

“Just in case I disappear without getting the chance to say goodbye.” The young blond boy answers, scribbling down on a sheet of paper

\---

He wakes up in the morning, still tangled in limbs but somehow he feels safer and smaller. He looks up to find a pair of brown eyes.

“Oh” he only says, blinking up.

“Hey sleepy lot.”

“How long have you been awake…Liam?”

“Long enough to stare at your pretty face” Liam says sweetly ducking down to place a kiss on Niall’s forehead. “And what we did last night we need to do it every night”

Niall doesn’t quite remember what they did last night and he still wonders throughout the whole day what damn could’ve happened between the two but the slight limp he has might just give him enough clue. Something’s missing though, he’s missing something important and he knows it.

He finally did it with Liam, and somehow, he doesn’t get it. 

“Ni we’re moving so you need to pack up!” Liam calls from the hotel lobby.

He doesn’t get it, but when he finds the note on his nightstand that reads “Thanks for saving me tonight and I’ll keep Katy in mind xxx” he looks up, out the window and somehow, he does.


End file.
